


If you wanna take me, go ahead and try my head

by galacticmilkduds



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - College/University, Fluff and Angst, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Light Angst, M/M, maybe some facetious refs, renjun is our resident casanova, whenever i come back here i always manage to insert uni parties, without fail kdskdkf
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-20
Updated: 2020-05-20
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:33:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,424
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24284419
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/galacticmilkduds/pseuds/galacticmilkduds
Summary: Renjun, for all his intelligence and wit and charisma (or so he thinks), couldn’t manage to articulate in the mostdelicate waypossible to Jaemin, the most beautiful man on campus (“or even the world,” Renjun drunkenly debates one night to his friends, to which they roll their eyes), that he wanted to suck Jaemin’s dick. In front of everyone he knew or will soon know.
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Na Jaemin
Comments: 6
Kudos: 108





	If you wanna take me, go ahead and try my head

**Author's Note:**

> Steady voice in narrative? idk her  
> AKSKAKDS sorry if it becomes kinda dark? ish?? idk i had the idea in my head and it articulately translated itself into word vomit
> 
> Title's from beabadoobee's song if you want it.

Renjun, for all his intelligence and wit and charisma (or so he thinks), couldn’t manage to articulate in the most _delicate way_ possible to Jaemin, the most beautiful man on campus (“or even the _world_ ,” Renjun drunkenly debates one night to his friends, to which they roll their eyes), that he wanted to suck Jaemin’s dick. In front of everyone he knew or will soon know.

Context. Context is needed here.

Huang Renjun is a sophomore lit major and that means two things: he’s a nerd and he’s _should_ be good with words. Usually, when Renjun flirts, he flirts like a _god_. When someone sparks up a conversation with him, the other person feels like it’s just him and Renjun in the room, the little jokes and face quirks Renjun does for each person is reserved for that person, making that person feel special. When Renjun makes love to someone, it’s sweet, wild, and almost unforgettable.

Nothing really, that’s just how Renjun is as a person.

So, in short, nothing ever phases Renjun anymore. If he wants something or _someone_ , all he has to do is flash his charmingly crooked smile and crinkle his eyes, scrunch up his nose if necessary, and he _gets it._

However, that is not the case with Na Jaemin.

It happens in his sixteenth century lit class. The room was buzzing with talk and Renjun was idly chewing his pen while resident best friend (and sadly, also roommate) Donghyuck was regaling his tales of trying a shroom for the first time last Saturday, when an ethereal being glided into the room, complete with faint glow behind and a chorus of angelic voices.

That’s how Renjun saw it, but he had to attribute it to the slight possibility he was still recovering from the amount of weed he smoked last night.

The stranger looks around the room, scanning for any available seats. His hair was a fluffy strawberry blond, complimenting his dark brown eyes that somehow _smiled_ despite his mouth forming in a straight line. When he spotted a good seat, which happened to be between the aisle and Renjun, the stranger’s lips quirk upwards. Renjun swears he stopped breathing then and there.

“Uhh, earth to Renjun? Come in, Renjun?” Donghyuck waves a hand in front of of Renjun.

Renjun irritatedly slaps his hand away. “Stop,” he hisses. “Do you not see what I’m seeing right now?”

Donghyuck raises a brow in confusion, but then tilts his head sideways and gives a lopsided smile to whatever he is smiling at beside Renjun.

“Hi, uh, is this seat taken?”

Renjun swivels his chair sharply and comes face-to-face with the most beautiful human being on earth and oh my god he smells like pears and honey how is that even _possib-_

Donghyuck whistles. “Hello gorgeous, and who might you be?”

Renjun turns back to quickly glare at Donhyuck, who just shrugs, when the person behind him chuckles. “Oh, I’m Jaemin. Na Jaemin.”

Renjun looks back at Jaemin, momentarily drinking in the sight of him, before saying: “By that response, I guess you get being called ‘gorgeous’ a lot.”

Jaemin raises both his eyebrows in surprise and grins. “I mean, once in a while.”

“Are you desensitized then to being called beautiful then?”

“No, not at all,” Jaemin says, setting his bag down beside the vacant chair. Renjun cocks an eyebrow.

“Did I tell you that chair was available?”

Jaemin then stares at him. At first, Renjun thinks it was a challenge, then a second later he sees Jaemin shifting from one foot to another, realizing now that Jaemin is just confused.

“Okay,” Jaemin murmurs under his breath, leaning down to get his bag, when Donghyuck huffs, his bangs going up, then nudges Renjun, who felt guilty for making Jaemin feel uncomfortable.

“Aw, shit, I’m just playing with you,” Renjun laughs, patting the vacant seat next to him. Jaemin blinks then gives Renjun one of the sweetest smiles he has ever seen. The honesty and thankfulness in it kind of hurts, and Renjun has to look away for a bit because it was too much.

When Jaemin sits down and arranges whatever he had to in his bag, Renjun feels a heavy tap on his shoulder. He turns to see Donghyuck smiling at him, eyes glinting in mischief, which of course, is never a good sign.

So, Donghyuck mouthes. That one, huh?

Renjun makes a point of not look at Donghyuck or Jaemin for the rest of the class, feeling heat in his ears and neck.

-

More context. More context is needed.

In freshman year, Renjun doesn’t know how, but he manages to befriend the junior, fraternity jocks Jaehyun and Johnny. One minute, he was looking for orgs to join so he doesn’t have a totally miserable time in university, next thing he knows he’s being dragged by Donghyuck to some huge, American Horror Story type house, which smelled faintly of tobacco smoke and incense. Renjun remembers waking up next day on someone’s bed, nothing but a sock on and his ass feeling sore. He remembers his slow-bubbling horror when Jaehyun, oh so good-looking but also pupils blown by drugs, walking out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his hips. Before Renjun could say anything, Jaehyun shrugs and slurs, “don’t worry, you weren’t _that_ bad.”

He has never slept with Jaehyun since then, but he must have made a good impression on him anyways because he always gets invited to parties in that frat.

Don’t worry, that piece of information will be useful later.

After class ends, without warning, Jaemin gives Renjun and Donghyuck a warm smile and a “see you later,” and speeds away to the door. Donghyuck clutches his chest in faux agony. Renjun hits him on the head.

When they return to their dorm room, they see Mark and Chenle on the couch, the latter playing on his switch and the former peering from the side. They both look up upon Renjun and Donghyuck’s entrance and give a grunt as a form of a greeting. Renjun was about to go into his own bedroom when Donghyuck puffs out a breath and plops down beside Mark.

“Markie mark mark,” Donghyuck croons. Mark glances at him, looking quite disgusted.

“Oh my god, what do you want now?” Mark groans. Chenle pointedly ignores them.

Donghyuck hooks his arm around Mark’s arm and buries his face into Mark’s arm. Donghyuck says something while Mark tries to relinquish Donghyuck’s hold of him.

“What? I can’t understand you,” Mark says, Donghyuck now trying to snake his leg around Mark’s waist, which accidentally hits Chenle’s stomach, making Chenle reach over Mark to grapple Donghyuck. At this point, it all looks like a chaotic blur so Renjun tries to ignore it.

Until Mark shouts: “I can’t go to Taeil’s party! I’m gonna binge shows later with a friend.”

An audible gasp. “You’re cheating on _me_?? How could you? After all these _years_?”

“I am _not_ cheating on you as we are not a thing-“

A lot more straddling, followed by a dolphin laugh, and light thudding sounds.

“Who is this cheating cheat that my cheating hubby is cheating with?”

“Fuck’s sake, it’s someone in my ethics class, his name’s Jaemin and he-“

It would have been comical how Renjun’s head immediately pops up from the doorway, eyes wide and cheeks flushed.

“Yo, Mark, what did you say?”

The grappling stops momentarily and Mark, red in the face from the man-handling, looks quizzically at Renjun.

Donghyuck sighs. “You mentioned a holy grail name.”

“Huh?”

“You said Jaemin?” Renjun says slowly. “As in Na Jaemin?”

Mark pushes Donghyuck off of him, the latter landing on the floor quite harshly, earning a dramatic whine from the boy. Chenle, taking this opportunity to seek revenge for his bruised stomach, straddles Donghyuck and they roll away into the hallway.

“Yeah,” Mark pants, arranging his sweatpants. “Why? You know him?”

Renjun tries to feign indifference. “Oh not really, he was in my class today, he-“

Suddenly, both Chenle and Donghyuck roll back in between Renjun and Mark, the latter jumping back to make clear of the mess still ensuing on the floor.

“The boy’s been struck by cupid himself,” Donghyuck spits out. “He couldn’t- CHENLE CALM DOWN FOR A HOT SEC ALRIGHT I’M SORRY I HIT YOU IN THE STOMACH- couldn’t be a smooth criminal this time.” Donghyuck singing out the words “smooth criminal” in its familiar tune.

Mark raises a brow. “Really? Didn’t peg him for your type.”

Renjun glares. “And what’s my type exactly?”

“I don’t know, someone-“

“Willing for a good fuck?” Chenle pipes in. Donghyuck loudly laughs beside him.

“Jesus Christ, Chenle, what are they teaching you in this school?” Renjun retorts, not bothering to deny it because, well, it’s slightly true. Mark shakes his head, smiling fondly at them.

“So, what’s he like?” Donghyuck asks, now lying down on the fluffy rug that, for some reason, happens to be the most expensive piece of houseware they own because it was Donghyuck whined it was vegan or something along those lines.

Mark hums. “I don’t know. I just met the guy. He was in my ethics class, didn’t really understand what the prof was saying. We comforted each other in our pain of dumbassery.”

“Sounds like you,” Chenle says, which got him a light kick on the leg.

“Then how did you end up having binge-watching date?” Donghyuck asks, eyes narrowing in jest. Mark rolls his eyes.

“Not a date. I just told him it’s better to watch the Good Place for better ethical absorption, he said he’s never watched it, I shouted obscene profanity at him, and then we decided to watch the series together later.”

Out of the blue, the gears in Renjun’s head clicks. He trusts Mark when he told them it wasn’t a date. Mark’s a catch, and like Renjun, is also willing for a good fuck. But unlike what his friends claim him to be, Renjun does not have specific type, but Mark does. Something along the lines of Wong Yukhei.

“Can I join?” Renjun asks. Mark’s jaw drops, looking incredulously at him.

“What? No!”

Renjun pouts.

Mark groans. “Ugh come on, I just wanna watch the Good Place. I don’t wanna hear flirting while Kristen Bell attempts to swear-“

“Ohhhhh in that case, can I join?” Donghyuck interrupts.

“Oh, me too!” Chenle squeaks.

Mark glares. “Don’t you have a party to go to?”

“Yeah, but I wanted to go with Jisung but he’s apparently busy with Kun or something and they have to prepare this freshman gathering thingo.”

Renjun looks back at Mark and gives him his most innocent smile. Mark looks like he’s out for blood.

-

What was supposed to be a getting-to-know rendezvous for Mark turns out to be a whole introduction to his assholes he can’t believe he calls _friends_.

When Mark messages Jaemin that majority of his friends were joining, Jaemin didn’t seem phased by it. Or at least not through text. He just sent an enthusiastic OK! with a bunch of cute emojis after.

When Mark showa Renjun the text message, Renjun dies a little inside. Chenle and Donghyuck snorts.

Around seven in the evening, the apartment cleaner than most days (to which Mark insisted because “for God’s sakes Renjun if you’re trying to make a good impression on the guy, at least make an effort to show you’re not a complete slob”) and the coffee table stashed with all sorts of snacks, the doorbell rang. Renjun, forcing himself back to his quiet and suave demeanor all day, jumps at the sound and made majority of the popcorn that he was holding spill to the floor.

Chenle shrieks in surprise and both him and Renjun immediately scramble to the floor to collect the food. Mark widens his eyes in frustration.

“I swear to God guys,” Mark starts, voice dangerously low. “If you mess up my attempts of friendship with Jaemin, I will personally chokeslam you all to the floor.”

Donghyuck, who just came from his room to change, sees the mess on the floor and looks at the door, which is ringing for the second time.

“Wow, okay, y’all need to chill,” Donghyuck says. “Especially you.” Pointing at Renjun. “Calm your tits, lover boy.” Then he heads towards the door, a shy greeting emerging from probably Jaemin and a loud cooing definitely by Donghyuck.

Hello, context is back. Context is needed.

Renjun has this terrible habit of sleeping with people he just meets. Some of his friendships have been formed through sex. At first, it was strange seeing the people everyday he apparently had one-night stands with (he had to attain the information through Donghyuck, who for some reason, has good memory even when shitfaced), but later on, Renjun and the people he had slept with realized it was nothing personal. It was how Renjun was. When they all accepted this fact, he had attained very good friends. He can proudly say though, he didn’t need to use his sexual prowess (Jisung offered that description once) to befriend Donghyuck, Chenle, or Jisung. He can’t say the same with Mark however, who he recalls first meeting him, or specifically, being _aware_ of first meeting him, on Mark’s bed naked, staring at his CD collection of Frank Ocean.

Mark and Renjun don’t talk about it, but they do talk about Frank Ocean.

So when Jaemin enters the room in an oversized gray jumper and shorts (wait, are those _swimming shorts?_ ), with his hair tousled and cheeks pink from climbing up the stairs because “hey yo Mark you didn’t tell me you lived at the top floor of the dorm, Jeeeesus I think that’s my exercise of the month,” it tugs Renjun’s heart in all the right ways.

Renjun wants to befriend Jaemin _badly_.

After all the commotion and Chenle’s high-pitched jokes (Jaemin startles at the volume of his voice, but immediately calms down to find out it was a human making the noise and not some dying cat), they all sit down on the couch as Mark fiddles with the laptop to set up the series.

So, when he’s done, they all try to sit in comfortable positions. Renjun relaxes, until Donghyuck makes a noise between a squeak and a hum.

“What the fuck,” Chenle says. Renjun agrees.

“Shut up you banshee, you have no right to reproach me,” Donghyuck says, then Renjun sees the mischievous glint in his eyes. Chenle sees it too. They know what it meant, and they start to sweat. Something shitty’s-a-coming.

“I’m not comfortable in this position,” Donghyuck says, a little bit too loudly. “Switch with me Renjun.”

To be clear, the seating arrangement was like this: Mark, Jaemin, Donghyuck, Chenle, then Renjun. Everyone except Jaemin realizes what Donghyuck was doing; Mark and Chenle try to hide their smiles by looking away or downwards, while Renjun takes every fiber and energy of his being to either glare or stare gratefully at Donghyuck. At the moment, he couldn’t decide.

So, when they switch seats, albeit more noisily than necessary, Renjun is all nerves. He has never been all nerves. That’s not his thing. His thing is to walk up to the person and say “you’re attractive, let’s fuck” and in the end they become friends. It’s a talent at this point.

Maybe because Jaemin smells nicer than anyone he has ever met, maybe because he’s unusually warm, or maybe because when Renjun sat down Jaemin turns to him slightly and flashes that signature genuine smile because he actually looks like he’s _happy_ Renjun is here beside him.

Renjun is determined to not be all nerves.

“Hey gorgeous,” Renjun whispers, hoping Jaemin catches the jest in his voice. Thankfully, he does, and laughs.

“Wow, you’re not shy at all, are you?” Jaemin asks, his naturally smiling eyes twinkle. Renjun gulps.

“Daring is my middle name.”

“Hmm, what’s your last name?”

“Huang.”

“Ah,” Jaemin muses. “Huan Daring Renjun. Hmm, it fits.”

“Told ya,” Renjun says, grinning. “I never lie.”

“Didn’t say you were, Huang Daring Renjun,” Jaemin replies, looking back at the screen but still smiling.

They all enjoy in silence the banter between the characters of the show, when Renjun feels his thighs being bumped by Jaemin’s knees. Renjun side-eyes Jaemin.

“Have you watched this show before?” Jaemin asks, eyes still on the screen. Renjun’s gaze falls back to the series playing.

“Yeah, I watched it with Mark for the first time. It’s pretty funny, right?”

“It’s cute.” _You’re cute… oh shut up, Renjun._ “Has everyone watched this show?” Renjun sees in the corner of his eye Jaemin jerking his chin to his side, gesturing to the others most likely.

“Hm? Oh yeah, we all watched it with Mark.”

“Oh, shit really? You’re all watching this for me? Sorry.”

To this Renjun faces Jaemin and sees his already pink-tinged skin slightly becoming red. Renjun shakes his head, chuckling softly. “Dude, it’s fine. To be fair we were all really wasted when we watched it. I remember we watched the entire Sex Ed series- have you watched Sex Ed? You have? Funny, right? Anyways, yeah, we watched the entire Sex Ed series after Chenle drank a whole bottle of tequila by accident-“

“Vodka, hyung, it was vodka.”

“Oh sorry, vodka and-“ then Renjun realizes who replied and glares at his friends, who looked like they weren’t eavesdropping but totally were.

“Were you just dropping eaves at my conversation here?”

Mark snorts. “Dropping eaves? What are you? A 90s British comedian? No dumbass, your voice just managed to overpower the laptop’s volume, so can you like, just flirt in silence?”

Renjun reddens, but Jaemin laughs. It was the type of laugh that was open and unabashed. It was a sight to behold, so he’ll let Mark slip on that one. Or…?

“Oh, by the way,” Renjun begins mischievously. “One time, I arrived here late because of a lecture, and you could not believe what Mark was doing on this very couch with a TA-“

Mark, like a lion in response to danger, attacks Renjun with protective intent.

-

After they cleaned up the mess that scattered on the floor and Mark cradling his laptop, making sure it wasn’t harmed in the process of harming Renjun, Jaemin typed on his phone and then stood up from the floor.

“Well,” Jaemin says, the corners of his eyes wrinkling. “That was really interesting. Thank you for inviting me, I had a lot of fun.”

“No probleeem,” Donghyuck sang, helping Chenle putting the last of the broken plate pieces into a trash bag. “If you want, we can watch again together-“

“Oh no you don’t,” Mark thunders, making Donghyuck focus on his initial clean-up task.

Jaemin laughs. “Let’s see. I’ll go now, see you in class, Mark?”

“Yep,” Mark says enthusiastically, popping the ‘p.’ Renjun then sees Jaemin to the door.

“That normally happens here, by the way,” Renjun quickly says, heart pacing at an abnormal rate when he realized he was at such a close proximity to Jaemin. God, he really smells nice.

“Really?” Jaemin laughs. “That’s some wild shit. And tiring. It’s already exhausting climbing up all the way here to your dorm.”

“It’s a nice dorm though,” Renjun says, slightly defensive.

“Oh, no, yeah. I mean, it is!” Jaemin quickly adds, flustered. Renjun lips quirk at the reaction. “I like the posters, they’re cool.”

“Yup, that’s Donghyuck’s. He’s the one that actually puts effort to making this place look decent.”

“Yeah, it looks nice.”

And they stare at each other for what seems to be a few not totally uncomfortable moments, when Jaemin blows his hair out of his eyes. Renjun really wants to run his hands through his hair.

“Nice knowing you, Renjun,” Jaemin says, softly. “We should hang sometime, you seem pretty cool.”

Renjun feigns offense. “ _Seem?_ I _am_ cool, son.” Jaemin gives an amused snort.

“Uh-huh, sure. Well, see you around?”

Renjun tucks his hand in the front pocket of his jeans. “Yeah sure, see you.”

Jaemin continues to look at him, smiling that beautiful smile of his, while opening the door, when he gets whacked on the head by a box of cartolinas and other crafting supplies.

“Remind me who chose this dorm again? These stairs are going to set me into cardiac arrest one day. Oh, hi Renjun,” Jisung jumbles out the words, out of breath. His forehead is damp with sweat and he looks pale from exhaustion.

Renjun, horrified by the prospect of Jisung accidentally murdering Jaemin, bends down to help him get up. Jisung then sees what he had done and immediately drops his box.

“Oh shit, sorry my dude,” Jisung panickily says. “I didn’t see you there. Are you okay?”

“Oh my god, get some ice you dipshit, you killed him!” Jisung was about to get up when Jaemin gingerly grabs Jisung’s wrist and pulls him back down.

“No, it’s fine,” Jaemin chuckles. “I’m fine. Really. It was just a box of paper, nothing that can kill me.” Renjun helps Jaemin get up, ignoring the fact that he’s touching his arm and wow he has such smooth skin thank you Jesus, Buddha, and maybe even Jisung for this moment.

“I’ll see you around, Renjun, okay?” Jaemin says. “And nice meeting you…?”

“Jisung. Sorry again.”

“No problem.” Big, thousand-kilowatt smile. “Bye guys.” And Jaemin trots downstairs.

When Renjun closes the door and goes back to the living room where the rest of the boys are, Chenle frowns. “I heard commotion, what happened?”

Renjun juts a thumb towards Jisung. “This doodoo head” – Chenle chokes on his spit and barks out a laugh upon hearing the insult – “almost killed the love of my life!”

“Love of your life?” Donghyuck gives a wry grin.

“Okay, too much. Um. Future fuck buddy?”

“That’s better.”

-

If Renjun was being completely honest with himself, he thought he’d be seeing Jaemin more often. Sure, they have class together, but that’s literally just one class, and it only happened twice a week. Most of the time, he never gets to see Jaemin. Sure, he sees him sometimes in the hallways, exchanging a brief ‘hello,’ but Jaemin was usually accompanied by this taller, muscular guy. Renjun’s never seen him before. He wonders briefly if they are dating.

And of course, there was the one time he attended one of his hyungs’ parties and he came out of the comfort room, fresh from vomiting, and his arms slung around this junior named Jungwoo and some other guy he can’t for the life of him recall, when none other than Jaemin was about to get enter said comfort room.

Jaemin’s eyes widened in surprise, then in Renjun’s totally wasted state, might have thought he even looked concerned. When he tries to remember the events, they’re always to hazy to put into detail.

He does remember Jungwoo assuring Jaemin when the latter asked if he was alright, then Jaemin was later joined by another guy, the somewhat taller and more muscular companion he always had in the hallways, asking something to Jaemin, to which he gestured towards Renjun. And Renjun, however drunk, wanted to keep his dignity and tried to stand on his own.

Which earned him another round of regurgitation and a black out.

Renjun shudders at the memory, but when he saw Jaemin in class the next two days, Jaemin asks after him and even gives him a small flask of tea.

When Renjun just stares at him, mostly from surprise, Jaemin shrugs. “It’s the least I could do, puking and blacking out is never fun.”

Renjun swears his stomach did a couple somersaults.

-

“Why don’t, I dunno, you ask him out or something?” Donhyuck asks, quietly, as he looks for his needed reading material in the Business Management section of the library.

“I know,” Renjun, leaning against the shelves, replies. “I’m just taking my time.”

“Stop putting your weight on the shelves, you’ll bring down the whole library,” Donghyuck says instead, picks a book from the top shelf, reads the title for a moment, then puts it back. “Besides, you don’t take your time. You never take your time.”

Renjun finds somewhere else to lean. There is nowhere else, and he sighs. “I have! Remember that Australian exchange student? What was his name?”

“Chris?” Donghyuck supplies, picking another book and scanning through the first chapter.

Renjun snaps his fingers. “Exactly! That took an entire month for him to sleep with me.”

“That’s because he didn’t understand Korean, you idiot,” Donghyuck replies, rolling his eyes. “He only got your hint when he searched up the English translation of hand job.”

Renjun waves his hand in dismissal. “Point is, I’m just playing the waiting game, you know? It’s all a matter of timing.”

Donghyuck shakes his head, then faces Renjun, one hand on his hip. “Renjunnie,” Donghyuck whispers, sweetly. “You’re full of bullshit. Spill. What’s the hold up?”

Renjun debates whether to tell Donghyuck. Whether to tell him that he’s never been this nervous around someone before. He has barely talked to Jaemin, and they’re only ever together in class. Literally the last time they hung out was in Mark’s failed friendship forgery that one evening.

That there’s something about the honesty in Jaemin’s smile and the crinkles of his eyes that makes Renjun heat up everywhere.

Instead, Renjun shrugs and leans again on the bookshelves. “Nothing, Hyuck. Jaemin’s just fun to play around with, okay? I wanna take my time to know how to press my buttons with the guy.”

Donghyuck frowns, not looking convinced, but doesn’t comment on it. He just tells Renjun again to stop leaning on the bookcase.

-

It’s midterms week and Renjun is, safe to say, dying.

Curse him and his need to drink himself to sickness and need to fuck at least once a week. He’s honestly a good student, he was an honor student back in his high school. It’s just, as fun as high school had been, the liberation and the variety of people in university made him excited, made him want to do so much in such a short span of hours within a day.

Now with that, Renjun has to face the consequences.

“I’m sorry, but how on God’s earth did you get a 51 in ethics??” Mark practically yells at him. Jisung, who just woke up, flinches at the volume.

“Fuck, keep your voice down man, the entire building can hear you,” Renjun says, neck and ears becoming hot.

“I don’t care!” Mark fumes. “I’ve been tutoring you on this shit and you still manage to get a failing grade? How is that even possible?”

Renjun glares. “Look, no one can be as smart and as incredibly academic as you are, hyung.”

“Guuuuys, chill, it’s fucking eight in the morning,” a voice rings out. Donghyuck comes out of his room, toothbrush and foam in his mouth and boxers hanging below his hips.

Mark exhales through his nose, then throws his hands up. “Okay, I’m sorry, I’m just-“ he scratches the back of his neck- “Renjun, you’re really smart, I know that. I just, I think you’ve been, um…”

“Partying too much?” Donghyuck yawns. Renjun pinches the bridge of his nose.

“And fucking at a ridiculous pace,” someone adds. Renjun looks around to see Chenle in a silk bathrobe and a gold and royal blue stained mug that looks something bought from Anthropology.

“Yes, that,” Mark says, firmly. “Renjun, you’re our resident Casanova, but you seriously need to chill. For your liver and your dick.” Donghyuck scoffs at that.

“I’m-“ Renjun wants to protest, but he knows he can’t. He’s knows he’s being a mess right now. He knows that if strangers saw how he was living his life, they would think he was drinking to die and fucking to forget how lonely he is.

But he doesn’t want to die, and he’s certainly not lonely.

Renjun rubs his eyes. “Yeah, yeah, I know.”

He can’t see Mark, but he can hear him sigh in relief.

“So, can you teach me?” And Renjun brings his hands down to look at Mark, who looks already guilty.

“I’m… I’m sorry, Renjunnie,” Marks mumbles. Renjun notices Mark rarely calls him ‘Renjunnie,’ he only does when he wants to be annoying or when he feels really bad for what he’s about to tell him. Renjun braces himself on this one.

“I kinda already studied ahead-“ here Donghyuck, Jisung, and Chenle exclaim a loud “WHAT? HOW COULD YOU HAVE STUDIED SO EARLY?”- “’cause I’m helping out with the choir org. They have this thing and-“

“It’s okay, Markie-poo,” Renjuns teases. “It’s really okay, but ugh now I need to find a tutor, maybe someone nicer than you for a change.”

Mark only rolls his eyes and heads towards the kitchen. Donghyuck perks up.

“Hey hyung,” Donghyuck calls out to Mark, a bit of toothpaste foam flying out his mouth. Jisung makes a face at that. “How’s Jaemin as a student?”

“What do you mean? You’ve met him.”

“No, you shit brain, I mean does he actually get good grades?”

Mark stops tinkering with the coffee machine on the counter (courtesy of the benevolent Zhong Chenle) and peers at Donghyuck suspiciously.

“I’m not gonna do anything hyung, geez,” Donghyuck exasperates. “I was thinking since you’re busy and we’re all dumb-“ Chenle and Jisung give whines of protest “- maybe he could help Renjunnie?”

Surprisingly, a look of consideration envelops on Mark’s face. Renjun can feel his whole body heating up.

“You want me to ask Jaemin?” Renjun realizes Mark’s asking him. Renjun kind of wants him too, because he just feels so unsusually _shy_ towards Jaemin.

But no, Huang Renjun is never shy. As Mark stated, Renjun is their resident Casanova, asking Jaemin for help won’t be a big deal.

“No need, hyung, I can ask him myself,” Renjun replies. Mark purses his lips, but then hums and goes back to tinkering with the coffee machine.

When Renjun glances at Donghyuck, he sees the latter giving him a muted, knowing smile.

-

Their lit class is almost coming to an end and Renjun’s palms are sweating like crazy.

He would have been okay, really. He was prepared to put on his most charming smile and act with a grace that could compete with Valmont himself, but when Jaemin enters the classroom, strawberry blond hair disheveled and wearing a loose denim jacket over a low collared tank-top, exposing his collar bones and a bit of his chest, Renjun’s hormones and brain went haywire.

At the corner of his eye, he can see Donghyuck’s shoulders shake with laughter.

As the professor gives the last of his instructions to a homework, Renjun inhales then gently pokes Jaemin’s shoulder.

Jaemin jumps a little, then gives Renjun a look of mock offense.

“Hey, doing anything tonight, hotshot?”

A flicker of a smile passes on Jaemin’s lips. “Asking me on a date, sweetcakes?”

Renjun grins. “Hmm maybe, or maybe you’d like to be a kind soul and help me with ethics.”

The professor, then, dismisses the class and everyone starts getting up to leave.

“Me?” Jaemin asks, quite sheepish and disbelieving at the same time.

“Ah well, I would have tortured Mark with my one-celled brain but he’s busy and you were praised highly for your intelligence.” Jaemin’s eyebrow quirks at this.

“Huh, but Mark told me you’re really smart too. You don’t need my help.”

Oh, that’s interesting. “You asked after me?” Renjun teases.

Jaemin meets him head-on. “Yeah, of course. You were really nice to me; I couldn’t help not asking about you.”

And here Renjun can’t help but be taken aback, the sheer sincerity of his response left him a little dumbfounded. Luckily, Jaemin’s odd gaze at him (probably because Renjun looked really stupid) brought him back.

Renjun cleared his throat. “Yeah, I haven’t been really the best student out there.” Oh God, he feels really embarrassed now. Renjun wonders what else Mark has said about him. “So, uh, can you help me with ethics? I’m in deep shit.”

Jaemin does an exaggerated contemplative gesture, to which Renjun scoffs at.

“I’ll think about it.”

“What? Awww, gimme an answer now!”

“You need me.” Eyes glinting. Renjun faintly remembers Donghyuck is still beside him, witnessing whatever this was. “You should beg for my help.”

Renjun kneels in front of Jaemin rather painfully, but still doing his best to produce puppy dog eyes and pouts. “Please sir,” Renjun wails, attempting to taper in an Oliver Twist British accent. “Please sir, I want some knowledge! I’ll do anything! I’ll cut off me arm if I have to!”

The remaining students in the classroom spare odd looks at their direction. Jaemin’s eyes widen. “Oh my god.”

“Just say yes, Jaemin,” Donghyuck says, shaking his head. “He’ll never stop bothering you now.”

As Renjun fakes what can be described as “little machine gun bursts of sobs,” Jaemin heeds with embarrassed laughter and gently pulls Renjun up to him. The latter realizes that Jaemin brought him too close for comfort, feeling the heat off his body.

He’s already suffering from future liver disease and possibly with his dick, he does not need this for the sake of his physical and mental health right now.

“Shut up!” Jaemin exclaims, mirth in his eyes. “Okay, okay, I’ll help you!” Jaemin shakes his head and Renjun gets a whiff of his shampoo scent. Pears. Wow.

“I live in the East dorm, near the taco place? Do you know where that is?” Jaemin now eases the distance between him and Renjun, not for anything else, but Renjun thinks it’s because he stupidly doesn’t make an effort to speak or even _move_ after being pulled towards him.

“Huh? Oh yeah, East dorm, I know where that is.” That’s near Johnny and Jaehyun’s dorm. He hopes to heavens and earth he doesn’t bump into them or any of their friends.

“Okay!” Jaemin squeezes Renjun’s shoulders. “See you there. Seven?”

“Oh sure, sure,” Renjun mumbles, absently. Jaemin gives him a curious look, then bends to get his backpack and books, bids him and Donghyuck (oh God, he’s still _here_ ) good-bye, then leaves the room.

After a moment, Renjun feels a heavy weight on his shoulder. He sees Donghyuck’s hand on it, with the latter biting down his lips to hold back his laughter.

Renjun growls. “Don’t you dare.”

But of course, Donghyuck being Donghyuck, guffaws. “Oh my _god_ , Renjun.” Tears threatening to water his eyes. “That was brilliant. Jaemin was brilliant. You’re _terrible_ , oh my god!”

Renjun storms out of the room, flushed, with Donghyuck trailing after him, laughter echoing the student-filled hallways.

-

After threatening to take down Donghyuck’s 90s MTV posters, he finally shuts up about the whole incident and gives a supportive slap on Renjun’s ass.

With the rest of his classes done, Renjun arrives back at the dorm and changes into a more comfortable and totally-did-not-plan-this-outfit-just-got-whatever-was-in-my-closet look. He wore a mustard yellow oversized tee tucked into some jeans, and a white and blue windbreaker. He looked at himself in the mirror and arranged his hair a bit. Upon leaving, however, he noticed his favorite, Nike Air-Max sneakers have miraculously disappeared.

“Hyuckie!” Renjun calls out. Donghyuck gives a noise of acknowledgment from his room. “Do you have my sneakers?”

“Noooo,” Donghyuck replies. “Chenle did come in for a bit while you were powdering your nose.”

Renjun groans. Chenle, with all his riches and accumulation of expensive knick knacks, has a tendency to borrow things from his friends because “I like the second-hand vibe of it, makes it look cool.” Renjun doesn’t have time to look for his shoes or ring Chenle for the possibility he is wearing them. He sucks in a breath as he puts of the only pair of shoe wear he has left (because sadly, his other pair of sneakers were left in Sicheng’s place and he’s still giving it a couple more weeks to actually go and get them because he has a rule of not seeing one-night stands for a month) and runs out the dorm.

-

“I like your flip-flops,” Jaemin says, amusingly, when he opens his door and beckons Renjun to enter.

“Thanks,” Renjun feigning non-chalance, but deep inside wanting to beat up Chenle to a bloody pulp. “It’s the new thing, you know? Party at the top, complete hobo at the bottom.”

Jaemin sniggers, leading him inside the dorm. Renjun takes a quick look around. It’s a lot smaller than his dorm space, but considering that there are five people living there, it might be just the right size for them. But unlike theirs, which is covered with posters of vintage movie or music video posters, the walls here are littered with hanging plants and other greenery. At the end of the room is a small, but comfortable-looking couch with a fluffy rug and a tiny flat-screen TV. Above the sofa is a huge poster of the periodic table.

Jaemin sees where Renjun is looking at and smiles. “Oh, that’s Jeno’s. He’s a bio major, hence the little wildlife going on here.”

“Jeno?”

“Oh, you haven’t met him? Kinda tall, a bit buff, wears a jock jersey all the time? It’s disgusting really, I don’t know if he even washes it.”

“I do! It’s comfy okay, I don’t like changing my jackets,” a voice suddenly cuts in. Renjun turns around to see the tall, muscular guy that always hangs around Jaemin in the hallways. His light hair pushed back into a cap and he’s wearing an oversized maroon jumper with sweatpants. Renjun never feels intimidated, and if they were in a party right now and he was totally shitfaced, he would be all over this guy in seconds.

But they are not at a party. They are Jaemin’s dorm and this Jeno guy is making Renjun’s anxiety fly through the roof.

Jaemin rolls his eyes. “Speak of the devil. Renjun, this is Jeno, the most horrible roommate to have on this planet.”

Jeno flashes a toothy smile, and for some reason, Renjun feels more at ease. “Hi! I can’t believe you’re asking Nana for help. He’s an asshole.”

Renjun’s brows quirk. “Nana?” Jaemin groans, while Jeno barks out a laugh. It’s hearty and deep. Renjun kind of wants to like him.

“Oh, no, you’re the asshole, Jeno,” Jaemin pouts. “Just shoo already! I’ve gotta whack some lessons into the boy.”

Jeno waggles his eyebrows to Renjun. “Hmm, kinky.” Renjun’s ears redden. He’s thankful he hasn’t had a haircut yet, or his ears would be in full, shining view.

“Oh my god, you’re annoying. Get out.” Jaemin starts shoving Jeno out of the dorm. The latter exclaiming a “nice to meet you Renjun!” before Jaemin slams the door shut. His eyes may be deceiving him, but when Jaemin returns, there’s a light blush developing on his face.

 _Anyways_. “He’s cool.” Jaemin gives him a look.

“Ugh, yeah, that’s what everyone thinks at first,” Jaemin says, exasperated, but obviously fond. A pang of jealousy twists in Renjun, but he refuses to acknowledge it. “When we were in high school, the guy had admirers left and right! Girls were always following him. It was kinda creepy.”

“Oh, you guys from the same high school?”

“Hm? Oh yeah, he’s my childhood best friend. I’ve known him since kindergarden.” Jaemin snorts. “Pretty disgusting to know someone that long, huh?”

“Oh yeah, definitely. Donghyuck? Fuck, known him since fourth grade. Lemme tell ya, seeing him pee his pants after a spider jumped on him, then _throwing_ the goddamn spider to me? Not fun.” Jaemin widens his eyes and laughs, very loudly. Renjun laughs along with him.

“Hey, so uh, you wanna order something before we study?” Jaemin asks, cheeks even redder from the laughter.

“Oh, we don’t have to-“

“Nah, I insist my dude. Except if you wanna order from the taco place, I ain’t gonna let you. I’ve been eating there for weeks, I’m real sick of Mexican food right now.”

Renjun snorts. “Okay, okay, ummm, let’s see…”

-

The beer wasn’t planned. It really wasn’t. But when they realized they got their order, with additions that were not originally included. They tried calling back for an exchange. The restaurant apologized profusely and said that for their kindness of actually telling them they got more than what they paid for, they offered to give it to them for free. Renjun and Jaemin weren’t exactly going to decline this benevolent offering.

Even with the ethics textbook and notes displayed across the coffee table in the living room, Renjun and Jaemin banter over chicken and beer in the kitchen. Renjun learnt a lot more from tonight than he ever could from an ethics lecture, such as the fact Jaemin loves honey tteokbokki, that he spent majority of his teen years helping out in charity organizations of his high school and community instead of getting wasted at parties, he was part of a little league badminton team, and that he absolutely loathes avocado on anything, for some reason.

“Excuse me but why? Avocado on toast is great!” Renjun hiccups, dimly trying to remind himself he’s already on his fourth bottle of beer.

Jaemin seems more lightweight than Renjun, and tries to place his chin on his hand, but fails and almost slams his face to the table. Renjun’s stomach hurts from laughing.

“No, noooo, NOOO,” Jaemin slurs, pointing at Renjun’s right. Renjun suspects he was trying to point at him. “It’s _gross_ , you don’t that to a fucking fruit. Fruits are meant to be eaten pure. Like, a… like a-“

“Like a vegetable?” Renjun offers, dumbly.

Jaemin snaps his fingers. “Oh my god, _exactly._ You’re so smart, Renjun, Jesuuus, so fucking-“ Jaemin makes ambiguous gestures above his head “-you get?”

Renjun nods. “I get, my dude. Thanks.”

“Pffft, no problem, bro. Oh shit, speaking of being smart, we gotta study for ethnics.”

“You mean ethics?”

“Ah yeah, ethics, ethics. Right oooon.”

Jaemin’s a funny drunk, Renjun happily thinks as Jaemin haphazardly gets up from his seat and picks up his book and notes, acting as if they weight a ton. Renjun takes his time to drink in the sight of Jaemin as he struggles gathering his stuff: his usually disheveled hair is even more unkempt. While around campus it had an artful fluffiness about it, right now it’s just sticking in places that don’t make sense. He has on a loose, green shirt (he really likes those kinds of clothes, huh?) under an incredibly oversized gray hoodie. When Renjun examines him more, he realizes he’s wearing swimming trunks. What is it with this guy and swimming shorts? Renjun thinks and wants to comment on it, but the alcohol is seizing control of his tongue.

Well, even with the strange choice of outfits, he still looks so _good._

Christ, fuck you hormones, Renjun thinks, frustrated.

Jaemin finally manages to bring over his things and sets them on the kitchen table. As he arranges his notes, chatting mindlessly about how he wants to try color-coding but they take too much time, Renjun wonders if that hoodie is really Jaemin’s. It’s too big. Renjun’s thoughts suddenly shift to charming, incredibly good-looking Jeno.

“Are you dating Jeno?” Renjun blurts. Jaemin stops what he’s doing and stares at him.

“What?”

 _Fucking hell, Renjun, what the actual fuckity fu-._ “Jeno. You going out with him?”

Jaemin straightens his back. There’s a certain soberness in the way Jaemin holds his gaze at him, but Renjun can’t seem to look away, even if he wants to. Even in his drunken state, he feels it would be… _disrespectful_ to shift away from those hard, brown eyes.

“What’s it to you?” Jaemin asks, distant.

The alcohol level in his brain isn’t really giving him much room to think. The only thoughts that were racing through his mind were _this is weird, I feel weird, is he mad at me, why would he be mad at me-_

“’M curious is all,” Renjun manages to garble out, trying so hard to feign indifference. “Is it a sensitive topic?”

Jaemin then gives another look and Renjun can’t decipher it. It looks like Jaemin was studying him, and Renjun can’t help but be suddenly nervous about it. It felt like he was trying to pry open his mind and force out its contents. This feels worse than any interrogation that his parents or friends forced him into, Jaemin’s searching gaze made him feel naked and _not_ in a good way.

But then Jaemin blinks, and smiles, albeit not the usual easy honesty he’s so good at doing. “He was my best friend. We tried. Didn’t work out. Actually, it was disgusting.” Jaemin then makes a face and sits down, intertwining his fingers together, and setting it in front of Renjun. The latter tries not to sigh in relief from the cold, calculating stare Jaemin was giving him moments before.

“So, my young padawan,” Jaemin grins, the tension earlier slowly dissipating. “What should we learn about first?”

-

Renjun wakes up sprawled across the what looks like Jaemin’s living room floor.

He has woken up with enough headaches and the stale taste of alcohol in his mouth to know he lost discipline with his drinking last night, and so he makes a routine check. First and foremost, clothes? Still on. Okay, off to a good start. Renjun sleepily grabs his crotch to recall if he did anything with it. It doesn’t ache, so it can be concluded his dick was not used at all in the previous night. Good. More than good.

Renjun makes sure to slowly get up, as to refrain from any nauseous sensations surging up. He scans his area for his phone, finds it, and checks the time. 4:08am. Great.

He then hears a faint snore, looks to his left to see none other than Jaemin curled up in a ball, clutching some of his own notes.

Renjun blushes. He didn’t even realize he slept beside Jaemin, and he’s pretty sure they didn’t do anything… so he relaxes and looks at him freely.

He didn’t think it was possible for Jaemin to look even more happy asleep, but he does. Well, it’s more of contentment. His perpetually rat nest of a hair is even more messy, covering his eyes a bit. His cheeks are a deep red and his mouth parted open. Renjun looks closely and sees Jaemin’s eyelashes slightly peek through his bangs. Even his lashes are pretty, Renjun thinks lamely.

After a while, however, Renjun sees again Jaemin holding his notes for dear life. It was funny, at first, when Renjun remembers part of why he came here. To study. Renjun smacks himself internally as he allowed himself to drink himself to oblivion. Mark’s going to kill him.

Renjun was reluctant at first to wake Jaemin, seeing as he looked so peaceful, but bites his lips down and gives the latter a gentle shake. He wouldn’t wake at first, but after a few more minutes, Jaemin stirs.

The next bit kind of blows Renjun’s mind away.

Jaemin’s eyes peak open, still adjusting to waking, but once he sees who woke him, he smiles so warmly and familiarly at Renjun, the latter couldn’t help but freeze.

Renjun feels his lungs constricting. After his frequent one-night stands and occasional meet-ups with his “friends with benefits,” he never stays too long to wake up next to them in the break of dawn. He made sure of that, knew if he slept that long enough for them to see him, it was like showing them the whole Renjun. He had a reputation to uphold.

So seeing Jaemin smiling at him like that, Renjun’s initial thought was _this is what it must feel to wake up to someone after all that in the morning_.

Renjun almost runs away. He almost gets up to reach the door and dash out of the dorm.

Only, his grades and his life (from Mark’s death grip) keep him from bolting. He was close though.

“Hi Jaemin,” Renjun whispers, so very afraid, so very anxious and vulnerable.

He didn’t think Jaemin’s smile could get any wider, but it does. Lord help me, Renjun thinks dimly. “Hi Renjun.”

“Uh, sorry to wake you.”

Jaemin shakes his head, cheeks still red. “No, it’s fine. What time is it?”

Renjun flashes his phone to Jaemin, who mumbles incoherently and closes his eyes again.

Then it snaps open. Jaemin sits up abruptly that Renjun jumps back.

“Oh my god,” Jaemin breathes, then holds Renjun’s shoulders. Renjun feels he might have a heart attack from all of Jaemin’s cartoon-like movements. “Do you remember anything last night?”

“Um,” _Jaemin laughing, Jaemin’s weird mishmash of outfits… then Jaemin’s cold stare when Renjun asked him if he was dating Jeno._ “We ate chicken and had beer.”

Jaemin blinks, then slaps his forehead. “I’m so stupid! Oh god,” his eyes widen then to Renjun. “I’m so sorry, we didn’t even study.”

Renjun stares at the red slap mark blooming on Jaemin’s forehead. “No sweat, it was my fault anyway, I shouldn’t have drunk.”

“Ugh, but it was my fault! I knew the beer was a mistake.”

Renjun smirks. “Yeah, you turned out to be a pretty bad influence.”

It was meant to be a joke, but Jaemin groans and puts his face in his hands. “I know, god I’m sorry.” Renjun reaches out to rub Jaemin’s shoulders, to assure him that he was just teasing, that it was no one’s fault, but hesitates midway, fingers twitching to hold Jaemin, to feel his heat and smell his hair.

Now is not the time, Renjun thinks, seething. He scratches the back of his neck instead.

“I don’t mean that,” Renjun mumbles, then clears his throat seeing as Jaemin is still probably internally berating himself for being a bad tutor. Jaemin looks up, cheeks red and face bloated. Startled by Jaemin’s rough appearance, Renjun couldn’t help but laugh.

Confused, Jaemin narrows his eyes. “What’s so funny?”

Renjun struggles to keep down his laugh, but it bubbles up again and takes control. “Sorry, dude, I don’t mean to laugh, but you look- oh my god, it’s not funny I swear-“ then proceeds to giggle hysterically.

Jaemin purses his lips, then crosses his arms, face coloring in animated mock offense. “Well, you look like you’ve seen better days, Huang Renjun.”

“I know-“ gasp, laugh, gasp, choke “- I don’t even know why I’m laughing!”

Jaemin joins him in his laughter, then he reaches over and smacks Renjun’s face. “Stop laughing, dumbass! We have a serious situation here.”

When the laughter dies down (which took five minutes), Renjun scans the notes around the living room. Jaemin catches his gaze. “What time is it?” Renjun checks his phone again and says 4:21.

Jaemin hums. “What time’s your first class?”

Renjun winces at remembering he actually has class today. “Oh fuck.” To which Jaemin snorts at. “Don’t tell me you forgot you actually went to uni to attend class, right?”

“Ugh not my fault!” Renjun protests, gesticulating wildly around. “All I could remember was something about honey tteokbokki, or that you hate avocado, or you were in mini league badminton. Oh, and you spent your entire teenage life imitating Diane Court’s lifestyle and being a total saint. Which, by the way, I’m not mocking you about, that’s really solid of you.”

Jaemin pauses, then stares square again at Renjun. The latter raises his eyebrows. “What?”

Something strange then happens, Jaemin’s cheeks, already red from just being woken up, deepen in the shade, looking like he has tomatoes for cheeks.

“I told you all that?” Jaemin murmurs so quietly, that Renjun wouldn’t have heard it if the entire room wasn’t pin-drop quiet.

“Yeah?” Renjun says, puzzled. “Were you not supposed to?”

Jaemin blinks, then shakes his head, smiling, albeit skittish. “Not at all. Anyways! I was thinking,” he coughs, gesturing shyly to the scattered notes on the floor. “Since we have time till your next class- oh wait, what time is your next class?”

“Oh, um, nine.”

“Nine?” Jaemin says, incredulously. “Lucky bastard, my next class is at seven-thirty. Well, since we have around three to four hours to spare, and we have sufficiently rested-“ Renjun scoffs “-let’s study now.”

“What? Now? As in now now?”

Jaemin rolls his eyes. “What do you not understand about the word ‘now,’ Renjun? Yes, now _now_.” Renjun must have looked worried, because Jaemin shifts closer to him and shakes his shoulders. “I’m really a good tutor, my dude. Trust me. Now grab the notes while I make us breakfast.” Jaemin humorously slaps Renjun’s cheek, then flashes his pearly whites before standing up and heading to the kitchen. Renjun crawls around the living room, gathering all the notes when Jaemin calls out. “Hey, honey? How do you like your eggs in the morning?”

Renjun grins. “Scrambled, babe.”

-

A week later, midterms are done and Renjun is over the moon. His Spanish and Modern Dance exams could have gone better, but he was able to breeze through his major subjects. Although, he was a tad bit nervous when the professor set the ethics test for him to answer, but breathed in through his nose, recalled everything Jaemin pounded into him that evening, and dove into the exam. When Renjun sees Jaemin in his lit class after the test, Renjun winks. Jaemin, who looks like he was holding his breath the moment Renjun entered, sighs in relief and laughs.

Nothing major changed between them, but they do see each other more often outside of class. When Renjun spots Jaemin alone in the halls, he bumps his shoulder and drags him to the nearest café. Sometimes, Jaemin calls Renjun late at night and asks him to drop by his dorm with soju and Korean fried snacks. Occasionally, Renjun, along with Donghyuck and Mark, join Jaemin and Jeno’s excursions around campus, which is mostly helping out Jeno raise funds for his student government org. Renjun snickers when he sees Donghyuck unsusually quiet and doe-eyed around Jeno, who is wearing a jersey and tight jeans that fit just the _right_ way. When Mark and Renjun bring it up to Donghyuck after they bid good-bye to Jaemin and Jeno, he throws them the most reproachful look he can muster. Which isn’t much, considering how red his entire face was.

And Renjun likes this. Likes that he’s slowly forgetting wanting to sleep with Jaemin and just befriend him. He can see why Mark was adamant of creating a friendship with Jaemin; he is just so sweet and likeable. Although, there are moments when Renjun’s alone with Jaemin that take hold of his lungs, like once in class when Renjun’s jacket was full of fluff, and Jaemin fussed over him and swept away as much fluff as he could. Or when Jaemin hands Renjun his coffee, their fingers brush and Renjun almost feels Jaemin does it on purpose. Or, the most dangerous one of all, when Renjun brought a bag of soft drinks and noodles, and Jeno happened to be free to join them. Renjun eats messily, and instead of Jaemin telling him off, he just thumbs the mess at the corner of Renjun’s lips as if it’s the most natural thing in the world. Renjun feels too hot and embarrassed to see the bemused look Jaemin receives from Jeno.

All in all, though, this unexpected friendship that forms between him and Jaemin (and even Jeno) makes him feel warm and nice. He hasn’t felt that for quite some time.

Of course, all warm and nice things don’t last. Especially not with the seniors around.

-

Remember when Renjun’s party and sleeping history would be useful? It’s useful now.

Context: Renjun is well-known among his peers, especially since in his freshman year, he slept with a couple of juniors and seniors in his first semester, but those were the ones with _the_ names. The guys that everybody sought after, Renjun had really built himself quite a reputation. Which will bite him hard on the ass later on.

So, while Renjun was chatting aimlessly with Jeno, Jaemin, and Jisung (who they happened to come across on their way to a café near Renjun’s dorm), when Jung Jaehyun, windswept hair and tight office suit, gives Renjun’s hair a gentle ruffle.

“Well, look who it is, isn’t it my favorite sophomore?” Jaehyun says, smiling lazily. Another senior, who Renjun knows as Yuta but hasn’t really spoken to him, follows and nods at Renjun in greeting. Yuta is also wearing a suit, and Renjun faintly recalls his closest senior friend Doyoung complaining to him via text about how stressed he is for the upcoming thesis defense. That must be it.

“Oh?” Renjun says, feeling prickly. Why? He doesn’t know. “I’m your favorite?”

Jaehyun’s eyes twinkle. “Yeah, of course, why wouldn’t you be? Our first encounter was unforgettable.” Yuta rolls his eyes, while Renjun earns a hard stare from Jaemin.

“So,” Jisung cuts in, sensing Renjun’s unease. “What bring you here, hyung?”

Jaehyun’s gaze shifts to Jisung, and Renjun swears he can feel the latter gulp. “Oh, sorry, right Jisung thanks.”

“Well, Johnny’s having a farewell party for us seniors,” Jaehyun limply gestures to Yuta and himself. “Tonight. Usual place. Drop by, guys. A last hurrah from all of us.”

Renjun and Jisung exchange a look, then Renjun nods. “Sure hyung, time?”

Jaehyun looks at Yuta for an answer, who responds with “I think Johnny said seven?”

Then, Jaehyun notices Jaemin and Jeno, who sit quietly, trying not to intrude on their conversation. “You’re Lee Jeno, right?”

Surprised that he knows him, Jeno nods enthusiastically. “Yep!”

“Jaehyun.” Jaehyun looks at Jaemin, who cheerfully gives his name.

“Cool. Hey, Jeno… you’re in Kun’s student government thing with Jisung here, right?” This receives a gracious affirmation from Jeno. Jaehyun gives a short laugh and shakes Yuta’s arm. “Yo, this is the guy that raised, like, a bunch of cash for the org. Dude,” Jaehyun gleefully looks at Jeno. “I’ve never seen Kun look so happy. I swear, he ran back to the dorm with tears in his eyes.”

“You should come,” Yuta offers, smiling.

Jaehyun grins. “Oh yeah, you should! You and Jaemin. Kun’s definitely gonna cry again when he sees you. He thinks of you as God.”

“I’m not,” Jeno says, humbly.

Jaehyun chuckles. “Well, tell that to Kun when you see him in the party.”

Yuta, then, tugs Jaehyun’s sleeve. When Jaehyun turns, Yuta points to his wristwatch.

“Oh, gotta blast. See you later,” Jaehyun ruffles Renjun’s hair again and lightly pinches Jisung’s cheeks. “Nice meeting you guys!” He says to Jaemin and Jeno, who also say the same thing to him and Yuta.

“Wow, you seem to know a lot of seniors,” Jeno says once the two were out of sight.

Renjun shrugs. “Nah, just them and their friends.”

Jeno raises a brow. “Yeah, them and their friends is literally the entirety of the senior population. I heard they’re a pretty tight batch, how’d you get to know them?”

Renjun can’t bring himself to tell Jeno (in front of Jaemin, who has been quiet the entire time for some reason) that he practically threw himself at them, stupid freshman that he was. He can’t bring himself to tell them that he has slept with Jaehyun and a couple of others he doesn’t remember, but _they_ certainly do. He can’t bring himself to say anything. Period. He’s been feeling so sick to the stomach about this lately, he’s starting to actually hate himself for it. And he’s hating himself for hating himself about this.

God, why did he have to complicate his own life?

Then Jisung, blessed, compassionate Jisung, yet again senses Renjun’s discomfort and answers. “Oh, in freshman year, all Hyuck would do was drag us to their parties. Honestly, I don’t even know where he met them in the first place!” This earns a smile from Jeno, but still don’t look convinced. Jaemin, silent this entire time, suddenly comments on how messy a drinker Jeno is, to which he violently protests, and another bickering session resumes in the table. Renjun is grateful for this distraction but shifts uneasily as he feels Jaemin’s heavy stare dropping on him every so often.

-

Renjun likes parties. He likes them enough to spend more time in them, than on a desk, studying. This is what his friends call his natural habitat; all Renjun has to do is walk in, get some alcohol and maybe a couple of smokes into his system, then he basically glides around, chatting and drinking and fucking all night.

But tonight, he feels sick. Tonight, he feels like he’s walking into a death trap.

Mark squeezes Renjun’s shoulders as they walk up to the seniors’ house. “Renjun, for God’s sakes, you’ll be fine.”

“Who says I’m not fine?” Renjun snaps. Mark frowns.

“Sorry,” Renjun mumbles. Mark looks at him for a moment, then sighs.

“Renjunnie,” Marks says, low and soothing, almost like calming a startled animal. “Relax. Just don’t drink tonight, okay? Just stay by Jaemin’s side. He’s only been to one of these things once.”

“I- Who says it’s about Jaemin?”

Mark raises an eyebrow, as if saying _you can’t fool me_ , so instead, Renjun opts for: “Jaemin’s only been to a party once?” Renjun suddenly recalls a blurred moment in his memory of Jaemin’s wide and concerned eyes when he saw Renjun blackout after he threw up in the bathroom. Classic me, he thinks, begrudgingly.

“Believe it or not, the boy has spent his entire life in charity orgs and old people homes.”

“I believe you,” Renjun responds, weakly.

They enter the seniors’ frat house, lit more brightly than usual. Normally, they preferred dim lights or a grungy effect with green and red lamps lined up in the hallways, Garage playing in the background. Tonight, the house is bursting with color, people, and pop music. All kinds of smells wafted the area, and it takes all within Renjun not to bring a hand up and cover his nose.

“Wow,” Mark seethes, nose scrunching. “That- what is _that_?” Rejun doesn’t care to know.

Donghyuck, who went thirty minutes earlier, was in the living room, already tipsy and outrageously flirting with Jeno, who was a glorious sight to behold in jersey jacket and backwards cap. Jaemin, faithful to his side, watches the whole scene develop with an amused twinkle in his eyes: Donghyuck shamelessly complimenting Jeno, and Jeno politely (and panickedly) taking in everything.

Mark calls them out in greeting, and Donghyuck cheers a bit too loudly and affectionately captures Mark into headlock. Relieved that Jeno isn’t the center of Donghyuck’s attention, shyly excuses himself to get a beer.

Renjun, then, does a double-back when he sees Jaemin properly. He’s wearing a black turtleneck, sleeves folded above his elbows, exposing his skinny forearms, tucked into jeans held together with a leather belt. Rat’s nest of a hair, Renjun can handle. Loose clothes? He’s come close to making himself a complete and utter fool in front of the student body, but he’s held it in. Kind personality with stares that haunt the recesses of his soul. Lethal, but barely.

But this? Oh no.

This is not good. Renjun hears the Kill Bill sirens echo in his head.

“Hey,” Renjun says, loudly, struggling to be heard over the heavy bass of the monster sound system.

Jaemin smiles, placing one hand on his hip and the other hand lowering to his side, holding his beer. “Hey yourself.”

“You look good,” Renjun blurts, before he could stop himself. He wasn’t even drunk yet, Renjun checks himself to limit his intake with one beer tonight… okay, maybe two.

Surprised, Jaemin barks out a laugh. “Oh, thanks! Gah, you know, I don’t really go to these kinds of things. I almost came here with a blazer and shit, but Jeno saw me and had a fit, so he threw this on me instead.”

“A blazer?”

Jaemin shakes his head, bemused. “I know, I’m a social commandeer.”

“Yeah,” Renjun feels a grin forming on his face. “I would have loved to see you in that. These kinds of things need a sense of formality, you know?”

“Formality?” Jaemin says, eyebrow raised, then looks at the room. The scene wasn’t as wild as it normally would be, the coffee table in the middle of the living room had been pushed aside for people to dance and jump to the music. Some were high and wasted on some green sofas, sharing home-rolled smokes. At the end of the room, he spots some familiar faces doing body shots off each other. Renjun cringes.

“Yeah, well, you’d be making waves, Nana.”

Jaemin groans, but he’s smiling wider than ever. “Aaaack! I hate Jeno for telling you that, seriously!”

“Why?” Renjun laughs, lightly poking Jaemin’s stomach. “It’s a cute nickname.”

“It is not!” Jaemin huffs. “I want a cooler nickname, like Jae.”

Renjun scoffs. “People call me ‘Renjunnie.’ Nana’s cute. Nana’s-“ Renjun imitates the Spongebob imagination gesture “imaginative.”

Jaemin snorts, seeming to almost forget his beer, as it spills a bit. “That’s the worst defense you can give my nickname.”

“Well, I like Nana. You keep Nana.”

“Then,” Jaemin says, holding his beer up to Renjun. “I’ll call you Renjunnie for the rest of your life.”

Renjun hums. “Stupid, but sure, deal.”

“Oh, you don’t have a drink yet,” Jaemin says. “I’ll go and get you one.”

“Such a gentleman,” Renjun teases, which earns a playful shove from Jaemin. “Just come with me to the kitchen, I’ll get it there. And, I can give you an unhelpful guide of the house.”

The squeeze their way into the kitchen, which is equally crowded. As Renjun reaches into the cooler for a beer, he gets slapped on the back by a couple of people he vaguely recognizes. They all fist bump and high five in greeting before Renjun can even get his drink.

Jaemin waggles his eyebrows. “Well, aren’t you Mr. Popular.”

“Hmph, no. They’re just always here, so I see them a lot.”

“I take it, you’re always here then, as well?”

“Ehhh,” Renjun clinks his beer with Jaemin’s, then swigs. “Comme ci comme ca.”

Jaemin chuckles and holds his hands up. “Okay, be Mr. Mysterious then also.”

Renjun lightly hits Jaemin’s shoulder. “Hey no, as Jisung said before, Hyuck dragged us here a lot before. I think I know this house more than I do my own dorm.”

“Before? Why not now?”

“Because,” Renjun coos, batting his eyelashes. “I met you and forgot everything else.” Jaemin snorts and pokes Renjun away at his forehead.

Afterwards, Renjun gives a short tour of the house, which isn’t much considering the amount of people blocking every room. They settle, instead, in a space between the cupboard bathroom and the stairs and play a game of “reading mouth conversations.” It doesn’t take much for them to double over and practically scream in laughter in whatever topic they picked for the poor victims of this charade. Renjun notices that he hasn’t even finished his beer yet. By now, he would have blacked out and done things that make him regret tomorrow.

That is, until Johnny does his usual check up on his guests (because he is a kind host) and spots Renjun.

“Hey, Renjun!” Johnny calls out, joyfully.

Renjun looks up and gives a cautious smile. “What’s up, hyung? How’s the party for you?”

“Great! I can’t believe this might be the last time I’m here, you know? It’s been four, _long_ , fucking years,” Johnny says loudly over the boom of the music.

“Crazy, huh?” Renjun shouts.

“Hey, who’s the little man with you?” Because Johnny calls anyone shorter than him little. Which is, well, almost everybody.

“Oh,” Renjun shifts his position for Johnny to see Jaemin better. “This is Jaemin. Jaemin, this is Johnny hyung. Jaehyun said he could come?”

“Oh yeah, no I’m welcome to any, just wondering! Freshie, Jaemin?”

“Nope! Same year as Renjunnie,” Jaemin answers, drawling out the nickname to annoy Renjun. Johnny laughs.

“Really? No shit! How come I’ve never seen you before?”

“I’m not much of a party-goer,” Jaemin says.

Johnny gasps dramatically. “Aw really? Well, Jaemin, as this will be the last party ever given by us amazing seniors, care to join me and couple of guys upstairs?”

“What you got there?” Renjun asks, immediately not liking where this is going. Johnny’s a great guy, and he’s the kindest senior Renjun knows. But Johnny also has a tendency to do things that make him always lose at games like never have I ever, because let’s say, Johnny has done them all.

Johnny shrugs. “You know, the usual. Couple of joints, special booze by Ten, the usual.”

Jaemin gives a quizzical brow at Renjun. “Joints?”

Johnny raises his eyebrows in surprise. “Wow, okay, Jaemin my dude, I need to show you before I leave. God, Renjun, you should have brought the guy sooner!” With that, Johnny slings both his arms over Renjun and Jaemin’s necks and leads them upstairs. Jaemin flashes Renjun a curious smile, and that’s the last thing Renjun remembers that night.

-

_BEEP. BEEP. BEEP. BEEP._

Renjun groans, the throbbing in his head is painful, and he feels sick to his toes. Face still in pillow, Renjun’s hand wanders to his side table in search for his alarm. Once, he turns it off, his hand limps and he almost fell asleep again.

Except he doesn’t. He remembers Jaemin and his smile.

Renjun abruptly gets up, earning him a piercing strike of pain in his head and he cries out. He falls back on his bed, struggling to muffle the headache with his pillow.

He hears a door cautiously open and someone whispering his name. He can’t bring himself to speak, so he grunts. He feels someone crouching by his bedside. Renjun cracks open an eye and finds himself face to face with Donghyuck, looking well and truly hungover with red eyes and disheveled hair, but still probably looks way better than Renjun is.

“Renjun, get up. It's already four in fucking afternoon. No, slowly, you had a bit too much last night. You need to drink,” Donghyuck murmurs, gently massaging Renjun’s head. He helps Renjun sit up and gives him a jug of water, which Renjun gulps in as if he’s been in the Sahara desert for a week. Donghyuck leaves him for a while to come back with a heated leftover hamburger they had a few nights ago. He wordlessly feeds it to Renjun, peering at him carefully as Renjun gobbles down the food.

Once Renjun finished, Donghyuck inhales and stares at him square in the eye.

“Do you remember what happened last night,” Donhyuck asks, unusually serious. Renjun suddenly feels nervous.

“No, I… I don’t-“

“Do you remember smoking a joint with Johnny hyung and the rest last night?” Donghyuck says.

Renjun gulps. “I remember he told me and Jaemin to go… oh god, Donghyuck what happened?”

Donghyuck brings out his phone and plays a video. It’s Renjun laughing wildly on a table, pointing at Jaemin, who stares at him like he’s experiencing a close encounter of the third kind.

“JAEMIN! NANA JAEMIN!” Phone Renjun gleefully screeches, the sound hurting Renjun’s ears. “I WANT YOU TO SUCK MY DICK. YOU, NA JAEMIN.” Phone Renjun takes a drag from a cigarette and continues his speech. Renjun feels hate bubbling in his throat. “I’VE BEEN PINING FOR YOU FOR MONTHS AND EVERYONE-“ he widely gestures to those surrounding the table “-HE’S BEEN TEASING ME WITH HIS LOOSE CLOTHES AND MESSY HAIR AND FUCK. I FEEL REALLY HARD RIGHT NOW.” This earns a laugh from the crowd. “AND HIS SMILE. GOD, YOUR SMILE JAEMIN. I FUCKING LOVE YOU, DUDE. KISS ME.” Here, phone Renjun jumps off the table and struts to Jaemin, but before he could reach him, Jaemin gets up and violently shoves Renjun away. He, then, goes to Johnny, politely excuses himself, and leaves the scene. The video ends with Renjun looking confused, but someone handing him a beer and taking a swig at it.

Renjun is too dumbfounded to say anything. Donghyuck sighs. “I got this from Taeyong. I can’t- I can’t believe you, Renjunnie. What the hell was that?”

Renjun blinks and stares at Donghyuck, helpless. “I don’t know.”

Donghyuck’s eyes soften. “That… that was a shit move.”

Renjun bites his lip. “I know.”

“Really shitty.”

“I know.”

“What will you do?”

“I… I don’t know if Jaemin wants to see me,” Renjun whispers. Donghyuck shakes his head.

“No, he doesn’t,” Donghyuck whispers back. “Mark tried to apologize on your behalf, but Jaemin brushed him off.”

“Mark?” Renjun repeats, dumbly.

“Well,” Donghyuck huffs. “More like, Jeno brushing Mark off. Jaemin refused to answer the door.”

“Were you with him?” Renjun inquired.

Donghyuck nodded. “You really hurt him, I think.”

“I know,” Renjun mumbles. “I need to… I need to talk to him. Even if he’ll shut me out, I think I still need to do it.”

“Yeah, you should,” Donghyuck says.

It’s silent for a few moments, when Donghyuck slaps his hands together. “Well, I’ll just, try to get this migraine out of the way. Rest for a bit, then go to Jaemin when you’re ready. Okay?”

Renjun nods as Donghyuck gets up. The latter gives a gentle ruffle if his hair and walks out, however, before he shuts the door, he looks back at Renjun. “I think you should quit drinking. And smoking. You’re gonna end up dead in some sleazy club at this point.”

Renjun couldn’t help but smile, just a teensy bit. Donghyuck’s eyes crinkle. “Got get him, lover boy.”

-

Renjun puts on his least asshole outfit (basically just jeans and a sweatshirt) and timidly walked to Jaemin’s dorm. When he knocked on his door, he heard Jeno shout “coming!” A couple of thuds and shuffling commencing before Jeno appeared in the doorway with a friendly smile.

However, that smile quickly disappeared when he realized who knocked, and stared blankly at Renjun.

“Hey Renjun,” Jeno says, shortly.

Renjun shuffles on his feet. “Hi Jeno.”

“You feeling better from your hangover? Heard from Donghyuck it was pretty bad.”

“Yeah, thanks for asking. Uh, had a nice time last night?” And Renjun knew immediately that was the wrong thing to ask, because a look of cold fury swept Jeno’s face momentarily.

“Yeah, better than Jaemin anyway,” Jeno bites out. _Shit_.

“I’m- Jeno, I know, I was an asshole-“

“Asshole’s an understatement,” Jeno interrupts.

“I know, I’m a dick, a cunt, a-“

“An insensitive motherfucker that seems to only think with his dick,” Jeno interrupts again, crossing his arms.

“Yes! Yes, I’m that. I’m all the names you can name, and I accept that, but I,” Renjun inhales through his nose. “I wanna apologize to Jaemin, because…” He then looks up at Jeno, Renjun realizing he has been avoiding Jeno’s gaze this entire time. “I really do like Jaemin, Jeno. I did want to just sleep with him at first, but I got to know him and, well, I don’t want _that_ anymore. I just want to keep on getting to know him.”

Jeno’s hard look softens, then he sighs as he leans on the doorframe. “Well, he’s not here.”

Renjun feels his throat tighten. “What?”

“He’s not here,” Jeno repeats, gesturing inside his dorm. “After the party, we went back here, but then he left after an hour or so. He hasn’t come back since.”

“Does he do that?” Renjun asks, nervous.

“Yeah, when he’s in a funk he’ll wander around campus to get his head straight. He also did that back in high school.”

“Okay,” Renjun says, suddenly feeling restless. “I- I’ll go look for him. If you’ll let me.”

Jeno gives him an odd look. “If I’ll let you?”

Renjun again feels he said the wrong thing. “I mean, I don’t want to-“

“Look,” Jeno cuts in. Renjun realizes Jeno’s really the type of guy to interrupt whatever you’re saying. “You hurt my best friend and I would beat you up for it, but at the same time, I’m not his keeper or guardian or whatever. As much as I want to throw you against the wall-“ Here, Renjun hopes to the heavens above Jeno doesn’t do that “-I can see that… that you really like Jaemin. Okay? I saw how you looked at him. And don’t think I didn’t know about your reputation. I work with Kun and Jisung in the student government here, remember? Shit about people spreads faster there like nothing else.”

“And I realize,” Jeno continues, hands going into pockets. “That you could have, you know, did it with Jaemin. He’s a tough cookie to crack, but you would have found a way.” Then Jeno stares at him, hard. “But you didn’t. You hung out with him, you were genuinely interested in him, and I thought ‘okay, Jaemin’s safe.’ Then you pulled that shit last night and well, you know what, just talk to him okay?”

Renjun, stunned by what Jeno just said, nods. As he leaves, Jeno catches him by the shoulder, and Renjun has a momentary fear that Jeno did decide to slam him against the wall.

Instead, Jeno turns him around and says “Jaemin’s not into that, sex and all. He tried and he just, couldn’t.”

“Tried with you?” Renjun blurts out before he can stop himself. Jeno looks surprised.

“He told you?” Jeno says, eyes wide.

“Sort of. Once,” Renjun mumbles, uncomfortable.

“Well, we didn’t. I mean we _tried_ , but he stopped me before we even got to second base,” Jeno chuckles, his grip on Renjun easing. “Seriously, that phase in our life. Gross.”

Renjun smiles. “You two must have had a traumatic experience.”

“The worst,” Jeno reciprocates Renjun’s smile, and let go of his shoulder. “Go easy on him, okay?”

Renjun nods, salutes with two fingers, and runs out.

-

Renjun debates in calling Jaemin, but decides not to, in case Jaemin may sense that Renjun is looking for him and hides away. He and Jaemin don’t really have a “special place,” so he panics for a bit and doesn’t know where to start. They just hang out wherever, so Renjun checks the university cafés he and Jaemin have come to frequent in. Find out he’s not in any of them, he goes around the halls, study spaces, and the library they would goof around when they both had free time.

After a while, when the sky is getting dark and more students were filtering out to go out, Renjun finally has an idea where Jaemin might be.

There’s almost close to nobody in the hallway going to his lit classroom, apart from a couple of students designing one of the bulletin boards. He enters his lit class and opens one of the lights, finding Jaemin sitting on his own seat, hands covering his face.

Jaemin startles at the lights opening and stares wide-eyed at Renjun. He’s in his signature loose shirt, oversized hoodie, and unkempt hair.

“Jaemin, I need to talk to you,” Renjun says. Jaemin glares at him, venomous and unforgiving.

“No, I think you said what needed to be said last night,” Jaemin growls.

“No Jaemin, please,” Renjun pleads. “That wasn’t- I just- I was being an asshole, okay? Understatement, but yes everything related to word asshole, that’s me.”

Jaemin gets up and narrows his eyes. “Then go back doing asshole things. I’m sure you can find more willing candidates to suck your dick.”

Renjun groans in frustration. “That was wrong of me, so wrong. I was way out of line and I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it. I used to, but now I don’t.”

Before Jaemin could retort, Renjun speaks up again. “I like you, Na Jaemin. I genuinely like you. I think you’re the most honest, kindest, and funniest person I’ve ever met. You’re really smart and I just like hanging out with you. A lot. I don’t know how else to describe it, but I just do. I like you so much. All I think about is you, and not sexually.”

Jaemin clamps his mouth shut, stupefied. Renjun uses this opportunity to continue.

“If you don’t want to talk to me anymore, that’s fine. If you hate me, okay. But I just want you to know that I didn’t befriend you to get into your pants. I mean I did, but now I don’t. I thought you were so cool, Na Jaemin. I’ve never met anyone who spent his free time in high school helping out all kinds of people. That’s really something. It makes me wish I did that instead of wasting my time with booze and drugs and things that make me sick the next day.”

“If you want me to leave now, I will,” Renjun manages to say, but his knees are jelly and his eyes starting to ache. Maybe he should have taken an aspirin before he did this. “I just also want you to know, even if we’ll never speak, I’m going to change. I’m going to stop all that crap I did yesterday. I want to come out clean and sober for the rest of my uni days.”

Renjun stops and takes a moment to breathe. When he sees Jaemin just silent, he nods and starts to leave.

Until Jaemin says, so quietly he almost didn’t hear it. “Just your uni days?”

Renjun forces himself not to smile. “No, I mean all my days. Sorry, I wasn’t thinking straight.”

Jaemin tilts his head. “Clearly.” He goes down to Renjun, who’s near the door. He still stays a few feet away from him.

“I knew about you,” Jaemin whispers, Renjun takes all within him not to lean closer. “I knew about who you were, and I told myself to be careful, because I felt you were the type of guy who just took and took and took without giving. But god, you were so cute and charming. I hate you for that.” Jaemin offers a small smile, but Renjun was too astonished to smile back.

“I remembered, I don’t know if you do, when you asked about me and Jeno, that night when I helped you study for your midterms. I thought you were just finding chances to- to sleep with me,” Jaemin mumbles, cheeks reddening. “And when I saw you talk with Jaehyun hyung, I don’t know. I thought he was more your type than me, so yeah, I know I was a bit weird to you those times, but I can’t help it! I also like you, okay?”

Renjun didn’t realize his mouth was open, until Jaemin snickered and pushed up Renjun’s hanging jaw closed.

“You’re not mad?” Renjun asks, not daring to hope.

Jaemin huffs. “No, I still am. Don’t get me wrong, but… I’ll give you a chance, Huang Renjun.”

“A chance?” Renjun couldn’t quite believe his ears.

“Just the one,” Jaemin muses. “You’re quite the talker. You should think of being a sales pitchman instead of whatever you want to be using your lit degree.”

“A writer,” Renjun replies, lamely.

Jaemin smiles. “A writer, huh? That also works.”

They settle in quiet, but comfortable silence. Renjun processing what just happened; it all went too fast, and he didn’t want to make himself hope too much. Jaemin was too good, too nice. Oh god, why did he ever think of taking disadvantage of him. He felt like the devil tempting a saint.

“Renjun,” Jaemin drops into the silence. Renjun looks at him.

“Yeah?”

Jaemin opens his mouth, closes it again, then speaks, albeit more softly this time. “I’m not… ready, for the kind of relationship you’re looking for. If that’s alright.” When Renjun stares at him in confusion, Jaemin expounds. “Sex. I’m not ready for that.”

“That’s fine,” Renjun immediately says. “We can take it slow. Real slow. I’ll wait.”

“Can you?”

And Renjun sees it, the look that Jaemin gave him that morning when they got drunk instead of studying for his test. The pure openness and honesty of it. This is what Renjun wants. After all the hook-ups and the drunken make-outs, this, in the end, is what he’s been looking for. Jaemin, his easy smiles and stupid jokes, he wants all of it.

“Yeah,” Renjun murmurs, feeling the most sure he has since… damn, he doesn’t even know. “Yeah, I can.”

Jaemin looks at him for a while, as if testing out if what he said was true, then he moves towards Renjun. The latter doesn’t move, afraid if he does, Jaemin will back away. He’s only an inch away now from Renjun.

He’s tall, Renjun thinks faintly.

Jaemin leans down, a breath away from Renjun’s lips. Renjun doesn’t dare move, he doesn’t know what Jaemin’s up to, he doesn’t know what this means. All he knows, is that he’s in Jaemin’s hands.

Then Jaemin smiles again, eyes wrinkling and nose scrunching. “You’d think I’d kiss you?”

Renjun, stunned, manages an “I don’t know.”

Jaemin laughs, breath warm against Renjun’s face. “Not yet, you still have a lot to go through before I let you do that, but…” then Jaemin leans more forward and plants a feather-like kiss at the corner of Renjun’s lips. Renjun takes this time to appreciate this moment, the closeness of Jaemin, the softness of his lips, the heat of his skin, how his scruffy hair tickles Renjun’s cheeks.

When Jaemin leans back, Renjun blinks up at him and smiles. “So, what now?”

“Hmm,” Jaemin does a contemplative gesture, then snaps his fingers. “I heard there’s this new bowling alley set up near the laundromat. They also serve good chicken wings, apparently.”

Renjun grins, allowing now the hope to surge up and soar. “Yeah, I went there once, it’s pretty cool.”

“Then, let’s go! Before we lose an alley to ourselves,” Jaemin chirps, and jerks his head to the door.

I won’t mess this up, Renjun thinks, staring freely at Jaemin with his weird hair and odd choices of clothing as Renjun realizes he’s wearing a pair of pink swimming trunks. This is it. He is it.

As they shut the lights in the classroom and close up after them, Renjun peers down Jaemin. “I’ve been meaning to ask.”

“Hm?”

“Why do you keep wearing swimming shorts?” This startles a laugh from Jaemin.

“Oh god, you wouldn’t want to know, it’s a long story,” Jaemin shakes his head, still laughing.

Renjun grins. “I’m all ears.”

**Author's Note:**

> What was supposed to be a 5k word fluff story became a roughly 14k monster. It was supposed to be cute, but i just kept adding things and then it became weirdly angsty midway,so it didn't seem appropriate that i make them kiss HAHSKAK. regardless, i hoped you enjoyed it lol
> 
> I do need to stop writing about college parties man [sighs]


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